Culture Shock

So, it has been almost a week since our officially official compact came to an end. I have been really quite grumpy this week. I am struggling with feeling guilty and mad when about to buy something or in a place where I could buy something. It is really annoying to myself and others around me (ie: my poor husband).

I have discovered through the years that I am an “all or nothing” kind of gal. I think this is where the majority of my struggle is coming from. For the last year, I have thought of shopping as “bad.” Now that it is “allowed” again, I still have it in my head that it is bad and I think badly about myself when I do buy something. There are some things in life that you just need to buy new. For example, my iron has been leaking water for the last… well year. I have tried to find one at a thrift store, but to no avail. So, purchase number one of this new year, an iron. I bought it from Canadian Tire (at least it is Canadian) but, let me tell you people, I don’t think it is possible to find a fair trade iron! This annoys me to no end, because I can’t feel good about my purchase and I just feel like a consumer again. How do ideals and reality come together in life?

I think I am a little broken and I need to give myself a break. I am a conscious consumer. I do think before I buy. I am not going on a huge shopping spree of things I don’t need. I am just having a little difficulty adapting and not living a life governed by strict rules. Not having strict rules is harder for me than having them.